Disastrously Wed
by Curlycupgumweed
Summary: Through a rather convoluted and unlikely set of events, the heroine of twilight ends up accidentally married to a humorless sheika warrior. Obvious problems aside, Link's unfortunate union has more at stake than her own personal comfort.
1. Unwanted Glowing Tatoos

:) Hiya guys! I hope you enjoy the story!

By the by, I have some answers to some questions below, and if you have trouble remembering who some of the non-main-characters are ( like me), I will be providing quick profiles each chapter so you can refresh your memory.

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Illia- Teenage daughter of the mayor of Ordon. From what we can tell from the game, she is Link best friend prior to twilight, and has a sweet and caring disposition.

Fado- The rancher of Ordon who looks after the goats. He is also nice...come to think of it, is there anyone in Ordon who isn't a generally decent person?

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Anyway, on with the show!

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Link turned her hand over once more in mild fascination and apprehension. There, like it had been every other time, was a faintly glowing band of light that encircled her ring finger. The glow was soft and not unlike her natural mark of the tri-force. Still, it was a surreal sight to see the foreign light clinging to her skin like a glowing tattoo.

An unwanted glowing tattoo.

Link rubbed the skin and felt the warm tingle of magic just beneath the skin. The feeling started creeping up her arm, and the girl quickly rubbed from her shoulder down in an attempt to push the magic back.

She sighed and twisted her hand in another direction. Hoping to see untouched skin, the tunic clad hero sighed again when all she saw was the ring of light at a different angle. Shaking out her hand in frustration Link began to rap her knuckles along the stone table to try and calm her nerves.

Where was Zelda?

As soon as Link had stepped foot inside the castle walls a guard had been sent off to inform the Princess that she was here.

How long had Link been waiting?

It must have been bordering on an hour now.

In truth it hadn't been that long. As soon as Zelda had heard that Link was waiting for her, she had looked for the best opening and then set off. To Link's nervous mind, though, the minutes were stretched longer than usual.

Link's head shot up as the heavy wooden door opened and the iron hinges creaked.

"Link!" The Princess exclaimed coming through the door. Looking very neat and graceful, Zelda took long but elegant strides across the room to the hero.

"What happened?" Zelda asked whilst giving Link a quick hug which had become their custom when away from the eyes of the world. When in court, they met each other with a formal nod and familiar smile. "

Link bit her lip, unsure of how to explain. She opened her mouth but then closed it. Feeling unsure she shuffled her feet on the stone floor before beginning to pace. Her steps muffled by the red carpet.

"I heard that you were kidnapped. The children of your village too."

Link stopped pacing and nodded her head vigorously.

"Tell me what happened." Zelda insisted.

Link, instead, decided to bring up her left hand, feeling rather bare without her leather glove, for the Princess to inspect.

Zelda's brow furrowed as she tried to make sense of the marking. Running her own hand over the band of light, Zelda then closed her eyes as she tried to place a name. After a moment she opened her eyes and looked up at Link in apology.

"I am sorry; I am unfamiliar with this magic." Zelda let go Link's hand. Pausing, Zelda looked up "It does look an awful lot like an engagement ring though."

A small and bemused smile colored her slender face. "So, tell me. Who's the lucky man?"

The smile dropped into an expression of disbelief when Link's own remained upset.

"It'll be faster if you just show me what happened." Zelda said sliding one of her long cotton gloves off. She slowly reached up and pressed her hand against the heroine's forehead.

"Just imagine what happened and I'll see it." The princess instructed.

Link gave a small nod, unsure of where to begin. Closing her eyes she thought back to the dreaded day that the event had started, and began to form the scene in her mind.

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The day had actually begun pleasantly enough. She had just finished helping Fado on the ranch. They had taken out the goats to the fields early that morning. The cool dew on the grass kissed the sides of her feet and saturated the bottoms of her sandals. The sensation of wet feet wasn't entirely pleasant, but Link was happy that her feet had made it out untrammeled by goat hoofs.

"Thanks for the help Link." Fado said smiling. He surveyed the flock from the incline of the hill with approval.

"Though I think you should get going pretty soon." His thick neck rotated so he could peer at Link from over his shoulder. "Illia said that she had something planned for you?"

Link grimaced.

Today was Illia's birthday.

She had been dreading this day for a while now.

Illia had, for several years now, tried to get Link in a dress.

She had begged, she had threatened, she had even gotten Rusl to gang up on her. Illia was a sweet person and great friend, but she was incredibly persistent. Finally the day had come when Illia had innocently strolled up to Link while she had been mercilessly hacking, err…. trimming the grass in front of her house. Illia casually informed her that, for her birthday, she would absolutely adore it if Link would allow her to dress her up. Link, of course, was fully prepared to reject Illia's request, but she stopped herself. Looking at Illia's hopeful face made an unprecedented knot of guilt settle in her stomach. How could she deny her friend such a request for her birthday?

Needless to say, Link had gone against her natural instinct, and said yes.

Fado laughed at Link's unhappy expression.

"Come on Link, I don't what's going on, but it can't be that bad."

Link's pitiful look made him chuckle all the more.

"Well, I'll see you this evening."

Nodding half-heartedly Link trudged out of the pasture and down the hill in to the Village. She briefly wondered if there was any way that she could escape her fate, but resigned herself as she knocked on the door of the Mayor's house.

"Link!" Illia greeted happily when she opened the door. Link was instantly pulled into the house and ushered up the stairs.

Before Link could scarcely form a coherent thought a wash rag was thrown into her hands.

"Quick, wash your face. I'm going to go get some supplies, and I'll be right back." Illia commanded before bounding back down the stairs.

Finding a basin sitting on the wooden counter Link dutifully scrubbed her face with the warm water. She even started on her neck and behind her ears, savoring the feel of the water on her skin.

The thump of footsteps told Link that Illia had returned.

"Here, you can use this to dry off." Illia said offering Link a dry linen towel. Illia's smile was kind, and warm, but Link could see excitement bubbling behind her eyes. When Link had finished drying her face Illia produced from behind her back a simple white dress not unlike the one that she was currently wearing.

Link gulped.

Illia grinned.

"Try this on."

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Thanks for reading. :)

Here are some answers to any potential questions.

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Why is Link a girl?

Well, to be honest, mostly because it's easier on my plot brain. I need someone to explain the glowy band of light later. I could either create a character who could explain it, or use a pre-existing character, and if Link was a boy, because of how the casting would fall, I would need an original character. Call me uber lazy, but original characters intimidate me. I'm a little afraid of writing the ones that I already have. Also, I like the idea of Zelda and and Link having a sisterly bond.

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Can Link talk?

Erm... Maybe? I think so. A better question would be 'does Link talk in this story?' For that question I say, most likely not.

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When does this take place?

Post Twilight Princess by about 3 years.

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How often do you update?

*cough* cough* Next question please!

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Is this going to have romance between Shiek and Link?

Maybe. I honestly don't know at this point.

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You don't know yet?

Noope.

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Wait, so does that mean this story has a plot beyond romance?

Why yes it does:)

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Should I just stop reading now?

Well, I certainly hope not. :( Plots are wonderful things!

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Anyway, Thanks again for reading you guys! If you have any helpful critiques, ways to improve my writing style, or just want to say hi, I would really like to hear from you. Have a good night (or day) and I'll see you at the next chapter!:)


	2. The Trouble Starts

**For those of you, like me, who might forget secondary characters occasionally.**

Illia- Daughter of the major, seems to be Links closest friend at the start of the game, and has a sweet disposition.

Beth- Daughter of the town's only store owner. She has impossibly high, arched eyebrows. Like the other kids in the town, she looks up to Link, and is overall nice though a little bit snippy with the boys.

Colin- A really sweet, sometimes timid boy who admires Link. His father is Rusl, the towns...sword guy? In the game, he's the one that you need to save from the King Bulblin, and in this story, he has a three year old sister whose name shall be Meli.

Talo-The hothead of the town. He's a bit impulsive and brash, but he means well.

Malo- Talo's little brother. While he probably means well too, this eight year is more interested in his profit margins than people. In the game this manipulative baby-toddler had an aggravating lackluster personality, and conned you out of your money even though you'er trying to save the world...granted he sold some pretty cool stuff, but, man! It was so expensive!

**Anyway! On with the show!**

* * *

_Link gulped._

_Illia grinned._

_"Try this on."_

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Two hours later Illia had managed, at this point, to pull Link's hair in every uncomfortable way imaginable, the skin around her eyebrows was red from all the time's she had picked at it, and now she was pinching Link's cheeks to agitate the skin to a "rosy color."

With all the pain that Link was going through at the moment, she was almost certain that Illia had no idea what she was doing. Either that, or this was what normal women went through for the sake of beauty. If the latter was the case, then Link was perfectly content to remain a tomboy for the rest of her life.

"Alright! I'm done." Illia exclaimed happily wiping her brow.

Link slumped in her seat with fatigue. She had done nothing but sit for two hours, but already she was ready to go home and sleep. Illia, however, seemed only slightly tired as she still had enough energy to skip across the room and grab a mirror about the size of large book.

"What do you think?" She asked in excitement. She held up the mirror for Link to inspect herself.

Honestly? Link was slightly disappointed. Maybe it was the fatigue, but Link couldn't help but feel unhappy with her appearance.

The white dress fell nicely on what little chest and hips she did have, the painful combing had smoothed out her bedraggled hair, and there was no mistaking her for a feminine boy now. But Link had always thought that if she ever did decide to dress up she would look softer, prettier, or more elegant. More like Illia, or Minda, or Zelda, but it seemed that Link was much more masculine in appearance than any of them.

Still, Illia had put so much work into her that Link decided to be to find something she liked about her appearance.

Deciding that she liked the dress and the way her eye's stood out, Link looked back up and nodded her approval.

Illia gave a happy sigh of relief. "I'm so glad."

Then she did something that made Link freeze in horror. Illia started pulling her toward the door.

"Come on Link, let's go to the spring."

What? No. No no no no no no. N-o. No. Link was not going out in public. She was not walking across town. She didn't care how tiny Ordon was.

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"Woah! Link! You look like a girl!"

"She is a girl dummy."

"I know that, but she never looked like one before."

"Talo!"

"What?"

Link smiled awkwardly as Beth and Talo began to bicker loudly. She had been expecting reactions of surprise, but Talo's comments weren't doing much to build up her self-confidence. Stirred by the commotion a bundle of fairies flew over to investigate the disturbance.

Link gently swatted at a fairy that had ventured a little too near to her face. It had gotten so close that she could see the bright outline of the tiny body, and now an after image had imprinted itself temporarily onto her retina. The fairy shimmered indignantly for a moment, before deciding to fly back to join the rest of the fairies hovering over the spring. Link blinked rapidly to clear the white haze from her eyes as she watched the little ball of light float past the bickering children and to over the waters. It's not that she minded that fairy population that had come to thrive at the spring, it's just that they were blinding at close range.

A slight tug on her arm caused her to turn around and see Colin, who met her eyes for less than a second before immediately averting his gaze.

"You look really nice." He said softly.

Link gave a big smile of appreciation in response. Hooking her left arm around his right, as he was finally tall enough to reach her shoulder, she walked him over to Illia.

"Illia," He said brightly, not feeling quite so intimidated by her eyes as he was Link's, "Happy birthday!"

Of course Illia's contagious smile split in to a wide grin as she thanked Colin.

"That's right. Happy Birthday Illia!" Beth managed to yell over Talo's head, and Talo pulled himself away from the argument just long enough to sound his agreement.

"Look," Colin said pulling their attention back to him before producing a wicker picnic basket. "Beth, Talo, and I made this this morning so we could all have it this afternoon."

Link and Illia eyed the basket with dread.

"Oh, Colin that's so…um…"

"I didn't actually cook any of the food." Colin sighed. "I just gathered up the plates and napkins."

The tense atmosphere deflated as Link and Illia exhaled in relief.

"Oh thank heaven." Illia breathed.

Colin rolled his eyes.

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The group laughed happily. The afternoon sun had settled just slightly west, and Link estimated that it was nearly 3:00. The conversation had settled, as had some fairies that now sat contently on the basket. Some even munched on the leftover bread that sat unattended on a plate.

Link, had been rather selfish in that regard. She left no crumbs, and even now, she traced a finger over the plate to pick up what was left of the wonderful spiced berry sauce that had been served.

Talo, as it turned out was a fantastic cook.

"Too bad Malo isn't here to celebrate with us." Beth said once the laughter had subsisted. She turned a coy eye on Talo. "What was keeping him again?"

Talo's face soured. "The little half-pint had to go set up another store."

"Well you don't have to sound so bitter about it." She hummed as she twirled her shoulder length hair. Everyone in the group, save Talo, knew she was trying to bait him into a rant. Actually, Talo may have even been aware of her manipulation, but he was only too happy to oblige her. Beth thought an angry Talo was a funny Talo, and Talo didn't mind an excuse to talk.

"Well, you'd be bitter too if your 8 year old younger brother was the owner of the largest company in Hyrule. And soon it's not just gonna be Hyrule. Malo wants to 'expand the business' by putting up shops in the new country that Hyrule's formed an alliance with. Mid…. Midarla? Mindala? Mid-Midrili? Oh! Midalri, yeah, I think it was called Midalri, or some weird name like that. Anyway! How in Hyrule am I even supposed to compete with that?"

Beth giggled.

"You could always sell this food of yours, and start your own giant business." She said nudging a half-eaten pastry toward his mouth.

"Psh! Yeah right." Talo pushed her hand away in a lazy manner, but looked at the ground as if he were seriously considering her suggestion.

"Oh Talo," Illia smiled good heartedly.

Link smiled too and reached her hand up to ruffle Talo's hair in a comforting manner, but suddenly stopped.

Her ears twitched, and she looked at the entrance of the spring with curiosity.

She could hear the sound of hoof beats in the distance. None of the others had noticed yet. Gradually, they turned their attention to where Link was looking. Colin's eye's widened in recognition as he too heard the sound, and then everyone else followed suit as they heard the sound of trotting horses cross the Bridge to Ordon.

A beautiful dappled stallion and man passed by the entrance followed by four other horses and their riders. With a short call, Link could hear the group round about and collect at the Ordon Spring opening.

The man on the dappled horse dismounted and walked in to the children's spring. He was a well-dressed man. Wearing nothing a traditional Hylian would wear, Link concluded that he must have travelled from beyond any geographical location she knew. He wore a blue scarf that obstructed the view of any characteristics of his face. She also found it odd that he wasn't wearing a cloak to shield himself from the winds he would experience riding at high speeds.

Wasting no time, the man addressed their group politely.

"Excuse me, but would any of you happen to be friends with a boy named Link?" He asked.

Colin, Beth, Talo, and Illia shared a smile, and in Talo and Beth's case, and quick laugh at the expense of the man who thought that Link was a boy. Link on the other hand kept a neutral face. Something about the man didn't sit well with her, and she felt her instinct telling her to be wary.

"Yes," Illia responded amused, "We're all friends of Link."

Link's sense flared at her when the man began to scan the group. It may have just been the slight paranoia of strangers that Link had developed since her adventures, but her instinct was no longer telling her to be wary. It was telling her to be on guard.

Doing her own scan of the man, she noted that he was in fact armed with more than one weapon. There was a knife and a sword strapped to his belt, and who knew what he had hidden in the folds of clothes.

"Would you happen to know where he is?" The man questioned his rough eyes friendly.

"Yeah," Talo was now laughing lightly where he was sitting, "_She's_ right here." He gestured to Link who kept her face impassive.

"She?" Though only the top half of his face was discernible, his expression was obviously one of shock.

"Yeah." Talo snorted, and laughed harder at the man's expression. The others, barring Colin, smiled. Colin looked at Link in concern.

"Oh." The man looked over at Link and seemed to be sizing her up, before casting a glance back to his comrades who remained mostly hidden behind the rocks.

"I need you to come with me then." The man stated gently.

Link exchanged a confused look with the rest of the group.

"All of us sir?" Colin asked.

The man nodded.

"But why?"

"It's a very important matter." The man's eyes seemed to be very honest, but Link gestured her friends to stay seated. Turning a critical eye on the man, Link stood up and took a stance that demanded an explanation from the man.

The man's face twitched with sympathy before becoming completely stoic.

"I don't think that I have an answer that would completely satisfy." He murmured.

"Please accept my sincerest apology. I wish that the circumstances were different, but this is needed." The man drew his sword and knife and raised it in a threatening manner. "Please just come with us."

Link instinctively reached for the sword that should have strapped to her back, but instead grasped at the air. She looked over her shoulder in surprise and dismay before turning her attention back to the man. Of all the days…

Instead, Link snatched up the knife they had used during the picnic. She felt a knot of dread coil up and settle in her stomach. With such a disadvantage, of an unfamiliar and fragile tool and unknown odds, she stepped in front of her friends to defend them.

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Bwahaha! I bet you thought that Link dressing up like a girl was of no consequence to the story. You were wrong! I used it to take away all of her weapons! Mwahahahahahaha! (Evil laughter continues)

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*cough* *cough*

Anyhoosies, thanks you guys for reading! If you guys have any critiques for my writing, I would adore hearing them. Or, if you have any questions, suggestions, or if you just want to say hi, I would really like to hear that too. :)

I hope you all have a good night! ^.^


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